My mum told me that she arrived in Australia with $150 in her bank account. It’s still difficult for me to imagine her willing to leave her home and take such a risk on a country she’d never even visited before on holiday. This isn’t a criticism because I’ve always taken comfort in the stability she provides, but my mum is the kind to check the stove twice before leaving the house. When I expressed my surprise she explained matter-of-factly that it was out of necessity, out of the hope of a better life.
My dad worked without sleep for twenty years. Sometimes he’ll offhandedly refer to the sacrifices he and my mum made so that I could have things they couldn’t. This isn’t a criticism of my him but it was a lot of pressure for a 9-year-old to handle.
’Living under the weight of privilege’ is a phrase you’d be justified in rolling your eyes at but that’s what it feels like sometimes. There’s pressure you place on yourself to succeed but the delineation between whether its for yourself or for the generations before you is unclear. There’s a feeling that you need to justify all the bets that were placed just so that you could grow up with hot water on tap. You feel guilty for finding any excuse to avoid working on your CV when you’re #blessed enough to walk into a job interview without the added anxiety of worrying you’ll take too long translating the questions from English into your native language in your head.
Career-based discussions have become a lot more common and less far-fetched now that I’m getting towards the end of my degree. The other day a friend offhandedly mentioned securing a full-time job through her dad’s friend and I was envious that my own parents hadn’t formed the connections that would give me a leg up. I conveniently (and brattily) forgot that moving countries away from their family and friends is potentially one of the leggiest ups they could given me.
Feeling sorry for yourself only leaves a bitter taste in your mouth after you remember that at least you have reliable electricity and more than one set of ‘Sunday clothes’. I’m lucky to come from a rich culture that has given me a true sense of community and a different outlook on life. My parents taught me the value of hard work, to look beyond myself and to be grateful for what I have. Maybe my HECS debt will be paid off one day, but there’s one debt I’ll have for much longer.
SCATTERED FLASHES 