How to Text Potential Lovers

This is an article I wrote for a lifestyle website for women that didn’t end up getting published, so I’ve decided to publish it here for y’all! Better here than sitting in my documents gathering digital dust…

Dating in the 21st century is hard, because the date never really ends. Mobile phones mean that we can remain in constant contact with dates, which can be great for developing relationships but also extremely nerve-racking. As a woman who has matured in the digital age, I’ve compiled a few tips to help you navigate the world of texting.

1. Do not wait three days.

The three-day rule is advice that we’ve heard for a long time, but this rule no longer applies. In a world where texting is the norm, if you wait three days to text someone saying that you enjoyed your date, it can come off a little cold. Instead, feel free to text your date the next day, or even the same night if you really hit it off.   Something simple e.g. “Hi, just wanted to let you know that I had a great time with you and would love to meet up again sometime soon!”

2. Do not stress out.

There is really no need to stress. Texting is opens up a new avenue for flirting and flirting should be fun! Don’t worry about why their replies are being sent every twenty minutes. They’re probably just busy getting on with life, as you should be too! The whole point of texting is that it’s quick and easy, it’s not something that you should fixate on.

3. Do not chase.

Try to avoid sending more than one text at a time. Follow up texts with messages like, “You haven’t replied… Did you get my last text?” are not a technique you want to employ. Put your trust in technology, they probably did get your text.

If he/she doesn’t reply or if their replies are coming in every two days, abort mission! If a person can’t find two minutes to reply to your message, they probably not interested and therefore, not worth your time. It’s important to know when to cut your losses.

4. Do ask questions.

It’s the same with any conversation that you want to continue, be an active member of the discussion. Your texting partner might be nervous about messaging you, asking questions are the ideal way of putting them at ease and making your interest apparent.

5. Do not use too much text speak.

Taking the time to type “you” rather than just using “u” is a way to make clear that you’re a mature, educated adult.

3. Do hold off on the winks. 

You might think they seem fun and flirty but sometimes they can come off a little bit too desperate and/or creepy. Stick to unthreatening smiley faces.

6. Do not drunk text.

Self-explanatory really. Drunken texts do far more damage than good. If you think you might be at risk of doing some damage, give a sober friend your phone to hold on to when you go out drinking.

7. Do proof read!

A lot of things are more irritating than sending an email and realising later that you spelled something wrong, or that you included a sentiment that you regret. Though it’s still pretty irritating. The same goes for texting, before sending just read over your text to make sure that what you send is what you really want to say. Once a text is out there, you can’t get it back.

8. Do be yourself

Texting is a new way for you to express yourself and interact, don’t use it as a way to hide behind a screen and say things you’d be uncomfortable saying in real life.

Armed with these tips, you’re ready to tackle the texting world and hopefully, you can use your texts for good and not evil. 

 

ouch

you were made by these
sharp backhanded compliments
from bitter mouths
 
the years of your life
marked by words that swelled like bites
you could not ignore

I had a dream about her/him/you…

I had a dream about a friend, more of an acquaintance that I’m not really into at all. It was a weird and intimate dream and I woke up feeling inappropriate. I dream about Harry Styles more than a little and I wake up from those dreams wishing I could go back to sleep. It just felt so different when it was an actual person in my life. Double standards, eh?  I was sitting in class with the acquaintance/friend the morning after  and while he was talking I zoned out and felt a little sick thinking  about how I involuntarily dreamt about him. I felt like I’d violated him.

I’ve had friends tell me that they don’t like to hear about other people’s dreams. Especially ones where they don’t feature at all. Some days I understand where they’re coming from but most days I really don’t. When people tell me their dreams they’re revealing the inner workings of their mind and why wouldn’t I be interested in a thing like that? There are some dreams though that you just have to keep to yourself.

X

Rhetorical Questions: Examining My Own Ethics

“A man without ethics is a wild beast loosed upon this world”

- Albert Camus

I had a really intense class on ethics a few days ago, where we were presented with a series of ethical hypotheticals and I did not offer up a single comment the whole time because I was shell-shocked. Shell-shocked by how completely unaware I am of my own ethical code. Would I kill a person to save three others? Would I conduct business with a person if their values weren’t in accordance with my own? I need to find my answers to these questions, or at least discover my ethical approach to guide me in answering these questions. If I’m not confident in my ethics, how can I be confident in my conduct and decisions? How can I have faith in myself as a human being?

I sat in class trying to justify my current laissez-faire approach to ethical decision making, isn’t it okay to deal with issues as they arise? Judge the right course of action based on the facts presented to you in different situations? However, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that a person needs a firm grip on the handlebars of the bike that is their personal ethical code. Otherwise, we’ll find it all too easily to let go of them and hit the asphalt at the first sign of trouble.

This site has quite a few interactive “experiments” for you to try out if you’re interested and have some spare time: http://www.philosophyexperiments.com

You Are Jeff By Richard Siken (Excerpt)

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself
a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.

Quick and Vague Book Reviews

So joyous now that my exam season is over! I’ve been starting to read all the books that I’ve been saving up which includes:

1. The Siege and the Storm by Leigh Bardugo

The second book in the Grisha young-adult fantasy series. I didn’t like this one as much as the first book and lost interest during the middle section.  I also find the love interest, Mal, irritating. Like a whiny good guy. The last quarter made up for the small things like this that I found issue with though and I’ll be reading the final instalment soon!

2. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

When books involve a twist I think that it can create unfair expectations for a reader when the “shocking twist” is constantly mentioned in reviews and on the book itself. This book and its twist were a little overhyped for me and I was hoping the book would be more of a mind bender but it was an intriguing and quick novel overall and not something I expected from Lockhart.

3. Love and Other Perishable Items by Laura Buzo

Aussie fiction! Oi oi oi. I really enjoyed this novel from Buzo. A novel about a 15yo girl who falls in love with her 21yo co-worker at a grocery store. It’s handled considerably tastefully though so that’s okay, this is coming from someone who couldn’t stomach Forbidden by Tabitha Suzuma. Told from the alternating points of view of both characters. It was difficult to read in some parts because it perfectly captured that experience of falling in love in a hopeless situation and being young and naive and a little self-centred. The ending was bittersweet but befitting.

4. Dreams of God & Monsters by Laini Taylor 

Such a wonderful cast of characters, which includes the antagonists who manage to draw such anger from me. Didn’t feel like the ending of a trilogy though, it felt more like the beginning of something more? Wouldn’t say no to a spin-off.

Quick Review: Everything Leads to You by Nina Lacour

THIS BOOK WAS SO SWEET AND GREAT. Quick review here, just wanted to get down my thoughts. I was supposed to save this book for later in the month when I have the time to read but after reading a few pages last night, I couldn’t put it down. Emi is the main character, a young girl who helps design sets for films and gets caught up in romance and a touch of mystery. I loved the parts of the novel that discussed the behind-the-scenes of films, like nothing I’ve ever read before in YA. Emi was queer and I like how it wasn’t treated by the author/the other characters as something ~radical~. The romance aspect of the book was really sweet but wasn’t the main focus of the story. I actually really enjoyed that this story was angst-free.

A+ light read.