starting a new tv show is like

starting a new tv show is like… i don’t know what it’s like really, similes are not my forté because things are what they are and why can’t i tell you what things are really like rather than comparing them to something else? just kidding, similes are great i just can’t think of what starting a new tv show is like.

i’ve recently started watching “beverly hills, 90210″ (all for brendan) and it’s both elating and depressing when starting a new show that has 100+ episodes. and today i’ve started watching “gilmore girls” and as soon as the first song of the series started playing “there she goes” i was deeply, deeply in love.

so anyway, i’ve got it! starting a new tv show when you’re a tv addict is like smoking a new pack of cigarettes when you’re a nicotine addict whose trying to quit. you tell yourself you don’t have to finish the whole pack immediately but you keep smoking cigarette after cigarette, watching episode after episode until it’s FINISHED. and then you’re just like, “oh why am i taking away the minutes of my life engaging in this activity????”

as you can see from the above drivel: i have foregone capital letters yet again because i like how lower case letters look. e. e. cummings, i feel you, you my homie.

who am i?

Who am I? Am I selfish and stupid or helpful and clever? Am I kind? Am I cruel? Do I act with fervour? Am I complacent? Am I racy? Humble? Lazy? Am I irritating or fascinating or completely mundane? Do I prefer umbrellas or to walk in the rain?

My birth certificate tells me that I’ve been through a certain number of years, but what does that mean? Am I an adult or a child? Am I kept or free? How do I fit in to the big world? Am I a boy or a girl? Do I have a talent? What am I good at? Good at nothing? Does that make me good for nothing? If the world is a beach, am I just one grain of sand? Or am I a wave affecting the force of the tide, powerful and grand?

Do I crave darkness or light? Am I lonely? Do I live for the day or night? Am I plain, beautiful or decent enough? Does it matter? Am I content? Gentle or rough? Am I destined for greatness? Am I strange? Am I Vexatious? Tenacious? Vivacious? Do I sympathise when others suffer? Am I graceful or clumsy? Am I patient while waiting for videos to buffer?

Before opening closed doors do I knock? Am I friendly or severe? Am I happy with my lot? Am I an afterthought? Am I easily impressed? Am I too quiet or loud? How are my breasts? Inappropriate? Do I come off as shy? Am I good at goodbyes? Am I flirty or shirty? Dirty or quirky? Do I cause controversy? How am I? Am I good? Do I feel understood? Am I headed for Heaven or Hell? Do my friends like me well?

Most importantly, do I like myself?

Captain America, Captain of My Heart: Part II

Ooh gritty. They should’ve included Captain America’s shield as a billed cast member… It did a lot of work.

I like movies a lot, especially ones produced by Marvel. Lucky me because you’d be hard pressed to find a cinema where you don’t have the option to watch a Marvel movie, and why would you want to be at a cinema like that anyway? You deserve better.

This is a good month for movie releases in Australia (none of them Australian productions though, unfortunately): Divergent, The Grand Budapest Hotel, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Noah, Muppets Most Wanted, The Other Woman and the movie that’s brought me here today, Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

I saw it today and Marvel continues to deliver. I’ve talked about Captain America before and the hopes I had for this movie (sadly, only one of the things I wanted to happen did occur but that’s okay). Here are some thoughts that I thought during the film – obviously, spoilers ahead:

  • There are insane amount of casualties in the film. Steve Rogers kills at least ten men in the first ten minutes… Not very compassionate of you, Steve.
  • Chris Evans is the perfect Captain America, I can’t believe how lucky we are. Furthermore, he is such a good character. I die a little everytime someone dismisses him as boring. What’s boring about a wholesome and patriotic soldier whose been frozen for decades?! Nothing.
  • I expected a film by the Russo brothers to deliver more lols.
  • The film featured a pretty intense fight scene between Cap and Bartroc only to have the Frenchman/Algerian run off and not be seen again for the rest of the film.What’s up with that? Will he be back later? It’d be good to see him and his fancy ass dance fighting moves in another film, as well as the subtitles that come with his on-screen presence. I need to practice my French more…
  • Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff kiss! It’s a pretty lame kiss though. Come on, spice it up a little guys. I did want a bit more of an in-depth exploration of the friendship between Steve and Natasha. I’m glad Steve didn’t get a romantic interest in this film, Steve needs to do Steve for now. And it would’ve felt forced after how affected he seemed after seeing Peggy.
  • Honestly, no one ever dies in Marvel (unless you’re an innocent civilian, even the bad guys stay alive! E.g. Rumlow and Zola) . I don’t even worry for characters who get shot anymore despite the dramatic music.
  • ABED! #Community
  • THERE WAS HARDLY ANY BUCKY/STEVE ACTION. Though to be honest, they could’ve inserted a Steve and Bucky kiss and that still wouldn’t be enough for me.
  • Bucky needs a haircut. Though I suppose fashion isn’t his number one priority right now, what will all the assassination and the brainwashing and the inner turmoil concerning his identity.
  • They really pushed the “TECHNOLOGY IS INVADING YOUR PRIVACY, FIGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOM” notion, didn’t they?
  • Writing things down usually helps me to clarify my thoughts and after writing this I’m realising that I just really wanted a lot more character exploration.
  • I wanted more Steve coming to terms with the modern area, more Black Widow (is there a Black Widow movie coming out?), more Sharon Carter, more Bucky and…
  • MORE FALCON. Honestly, they kind of just threw the wings jet pack at us and were like “deal with this!”. He could’ve had a movie all of his own.
  • I wish people knew to stay until the very very very end of the movie so I’m not forced out by cleaning staff because I’m the only one who sticks around to see the post-credits scenes :(
  • I did get to see the first post-credits scene, and I’m so excited to see Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch!!!!

It wasn’t my favourite Marvel movie, but it was good. I’ve heard some people argue that they found this film too formulaic, but it’s a Superhero film – all of them are formulaic! It’s about good guys killing the bad and explosions and implausible action sequences.

There were no less than three Marvel films advertised in the previews before The Winter Soldier. Marvel is really killing it, releasing movie after movie to ensure that they’re never far from our thoughts with no signs of slowing down.

houston, we have a problem

Isn’t technology incredible? The internet is only a 20-something! I can still remember the days where people would say, “One day mobile phones will be just as powerful as computers!” with a tone of amazement and wonder. The internet as a 20-something is a good analogy actually. Has potential but hasn’t realised it yet, doesn’t know what it wants to do or what its purpose is. Funny.

Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about how one day I’ll leave this Earth (after a long and happy life where I inspired and achieved and lived and loved and laughed and showed up all my bullies while ageing fabulously) and miss out on some massive technological advancements. Honestly, that’s the way it’s going to go – I can easily envision humanity being the cause of its own destruction. We’re going to make something that’ll ruin everything or just use up all the resources, sadly. I wonder what will inhabit the Earth after humans?

This got unintentionally heavy. Probably because I’m typing this up late at night, when all the big questions start making their way out of the cranium. Really what I wanted to talk about is 8tracks! I’ve joined the bandwagon and I have yet to make any playlists but I think it’s a very cool site. I used to download playlists which was an infinitely more painful process than this website. I’m not sponsored by 8tracks funnily enough. I’ve been avoiding signing up to 8tracks for a while, just because I’m becoming increasingly conscious of my digital footprint. I’m a member of countless websites and mailing lists, it’s ridiculous. I wish I hadn’t been so ready and willing to give up my email address in the past, if I ever need to go underground it will be impossible! The internet knows my everything interest, fear, acquaintance etc. I’m a member of so many online services and websites I’m sure that 20% of the RAM of my brain is dedicated to username/password combinations.

If technology ever becomes sentient, we’re all doomed. I met an engineer once whose working on a program designed to understand voice commands and sort of operate throughout a person’s house like an electronic butler, like JARVIS, if you will. I don’t think I’m giving away any secrets because it’s not like no one’s ever dreamed up that sort of thing before. I didn’t tell them but no way would I be comfortable with that sort of appliance in my house…

Reminds me of an episode of “The Simpsons” with the Ultrahouse 3000….

Divergent Babble

I saw Divergent today. It was as I expected it would be which was neither disappointing nor deeply gratifying. I supposed fans of the book should be happy because the film seemed to go exactly as the first book did… If I’m recalling correctly. It was quite a tense movie, there was a little comic relief but mostly lots of action scenes. As I said, the movie is pretty true to the book so the issues I had with the novel still hold true. For example, I don’t really understand the basis of the romance between Triss and Four. That’s just nitpicking though. What is love? (Baby, don’t hurt me). Divergent was good, it did everything it was supposed to. Kept my attention, made me happy, made me sad, made me happy again, made me want to kill some bad guys… Keep the teen dystopian films coming! Furthermore, let me just say that Shailene Woodley is the cutest thing, I think I love her.

I bought a new journal, is it the consumer in me that loves new stationary? Or the optimist in me who looks forward to a fresh start? A few other nice things happened that  I am not at liberty to describe on this public forum but note to self: It was a happy day!


Close your eyes and let it wash over you
The darkness is a comfort
Here’s nothing new
Feeling fast
But your head’s in a daze
Life is a quick trip, revel in the haze
Feel it in your spine, in your veins
It’s under your skin
Lighting up your body, a fire from within
Sinking under the pressure but
The weight is good
And you finally feel the way you never realised you should.
When you make it out alive, swear you’ll never do it again
But in your deep down you know you’ll be here next weekend.

i’m trying to record more things…. even the bad things

i’m having trouble right now because sometimes i feel transparent. like other people don’t really take notice of me. some people aren’t good conversationalists and i can understand that, but there was group work being done today and this one girl would speak directly to other people/give them eye contact, but never me! and this has happened in other situations. sorry, am i not good enough to draw your eye? do i have to work for every moment of your gaze like a kitten chasing a piece of string? it’s just been a rough day because i was again reminded that i take a lot of notice of people, way more than anyone ever takes of me. i’ll see people out and about and be at least vaguely aware of who they are and that i’ve seen them before but to them i’m just another stranger because for some reason i wasn’t memorable enough. even though they didn’t have to jump through hoops to get me to remember them.

is it my responsibility to make you remember my name? i can do it but it takes effort and sometimes i just want to be normal and not amped up to a “look at me and how interesting i am!!!” level and still have people take notice of me, like i do them.

i think there are quite a few of us out there, the observers. the people who take note of others and what they like and don’t like but have to re-introduce themselves to people or remind people what their favourite ice cream flavour is.

maybe this is why despite all the times i’ve been told and have read that fame is empty and shallow and meaningless, a big part of me still craves it. because i want to be noticed and i want attention – i want respect.